My Idea for a “Meanwhile” Opening On “The Late Show With Stephen Colbert”

Folks, I spend my time alloying the finest metal from the moons of the outer planets, planing it into a perfectly symmetrical upright rectangular obelisk, imbuing it with mysterious voices and a radio beam aimed at Jupiter to create the alien sentinel guidepost that is my monologue, but sometimes, just sometimes, I like to get two old bumpers from the dump down the road, solder them together with molten tin from Grandpa’s beer cans, and leave them in the middle of nowhere in the Utah desert, to create the self-referential hipster prank of news that is my segment…. Meanwhile!!!